Benefits of Working with a Divorce Coach
If you are facing a divorce, your life may feel a little like a dumpster fire, each day bringing a new assault to your nervous system. Conflict with a soon-to-be-ex, anxiety over the children, decisions about money, hiring lawyers, selling the house etc. etc. The fear, overwhelm and uncertainty that come with divorce can really cloud your judgement, bring out the worst in you, and turn you into a shadow of your previous self. Unfortunately, a divorce is one of those life circumstances which you later reflect on and think, “I wish I had not lost so much sleep over X, Y or Z.” But in the moment, your amygdala is on high alert, hijacking any chance at clarity or confidence. For this reason, the role of a divorce coach has become more respected, gaining a seat at the table of professionals involved in the divorce process. Here are just a few of the ways that a divorce coach can, not only smooth the process for you, but help you achieve a better outcome.
Emotional wellness and stress management
Coaches are not therapists or counselors, but they do receive training and mentorship that equips them with expertise to handle big emotions. They have appropriate empathy and compassion for clients’ fear and grief, ensuring these emotions are processed so that they do not impact the divorce itself. Many coaches also have training in stress-management techniques and can teach clients how to better manage anxiety. Your mental health is crucial during a divorce, it is very difficult to support and nurture your children when you are depleted. And if not for them, there will come a day when this will all be behind you and your health is paramount to enjoying life at its fullest.
Decision making and clarity
The reason why divorce is so scary, and overwhelming is because it requires a ton of decision making during a time defined by uncertainty - how incredibly inconvenient! A coach is like your mapmaker, providing you with a clear start and end point, while holing a torch along the way. An effective coach will help you identify your core values and prioritize what is most important to you, as well as what you are willing to let go of. Your coach will help you tailor an action plan and hold you accountable and on track, even during times that the path goes dark.
Communication and conflict management
Did you know that the reason for most failed marriages ultimately boils down to communication? So, it’s a safe bet, that you and your soon-to-be ex could have used some help in that department. A coach can teach you communication strategies that speak your truth but also nip any conflict in the bud. Let’s say you tend to jump to defensiveness; over-explaining and nervously apologizing the minute your ex flings mud your way. Your coach will ensure that you resist the urge to respond in a way that inflames the situation, choosing rather to use communication skills that constructively solve the problem at hand. Bonus: you will use these skills in your journey ahead as coparents.
Co-parenting
Your children are likely your biggest source of angst as you lie awake worrying about the emotional and practical toll of divorce. We know you did not sign up for this, but your children are totally innocent, and they most certainly did not ask for any of it. They deserve to navigate childhood unburdened by adult issues, and you deserve to delight in their growth. A coach can help you keep your side of the street clean, navigating the process with grace and in a way that ultimately wins your children’s respect and trust. Yes, you will make mistakes. But when you do, your coach will help you repair in a way that prevents resentment or estrangement from your kids. You have a unique opportunity to create unbreakable bonds with your children as you lead them through a significant life adversity.
Save money
At first blush hiring a divorce coach seems like a hard sell which is completely understandable. You have your lawyer, I hope you have a therapist, and you probably have several other adjunct professionals involved. But really, a coach can ultimately save you money for all the reasons I have mentioned above. In fact, I would go so far as to say that a coach should be the first person you hire. Our adversarial legal system thrives on conflict, the more divorcing couples battle it out, the more money lawyers make. You can save yourself and your retirement account a huge hit by avoiding extremely costly mistakes and indecision with the help of a coach. At the end of the day, let’s hope you only get divorced once, you want to get through the process with your dignity, your bank account and your children’s well-being intact.
These are just a few of the ways you will get your return on investment – and then some – by hiring a divorce coach. This is a time of your life where skimping can feel better upfront but cost you in money and your sanity down the line. This is not a plug for my services - of course, I would love to work together if you are a good fit – but merely encouragement from someone that went through the process and can attest to the value of good divorce coaching.
