The Unique Challenges (and Hidden Benefits) of Being a Single Parent on Chicago's North Shore
Being a single parent is hard enough. Being a single parent on Chicago’s North Shore? That’s a whole other animal. Don’t get me wrong — this lakeside oasis is absolutely stunning, and those of us lucky enough to call it home know how fortunate we are. But if you're parenting solo here, you might feel like an outlier in a sea of nuclear families, luxury SUVs, and lakefront estates. Ironically, the very things that make the North Shore so desirable — wealth, prestige, tight-knit communities — can also make it harder to navigate as a single parent.
Still, I truly believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, and many single parents (myself included) are building joyful, grounded lives here. Below are a few of the challenges — and mindset shifts or strategies that can help whether you live on the North Shore or other prestigious area around the country.
Affluence
Ok, I am just going to say it. The people that live here are another level of rich. Like next level wealth, think Architectural Digest meets Real Housewives of the North Shore. Your children will go to playdates in homes that leave you gobsmacked with pools, indoor play areas, private chefs, you name it. Very soon they will think it’s normal to have wardrobes that consist entirely of Lululemon, Aviator Nation, Alo, basically whatever is uber pricey and trending on Tik Tok. You may need to take out a second mortgage so that your kids can join friends after school for Starbucks. Like, every day.
Mindset Shift
“Let me try to keep up with the Joneses in the most expensive area of the state,” said no single mamma ever. My suggestion? Shift your mindset and consider it a blessing that you are not in quite the same league as your neighbors. Rather than trying to match the exterior lifestyle, demonstrating modesty and humility will help keep your kids grounded. That’s stuff money can’t buy.
Lack of Diversity
Beyond economic homogeneity, there’s also a notable lack of cultural and religious diversity in many North Shore communities. If you are not part of the dominant culture or religion, you may feel a little isolated. Walk into one cafe or eatery here and it will become immediately apparent that everyone looks, dresses and sounds the same. And then there is me - always the overachiever - not only out of place in my old yoga pants with holes and a messy bun, but sounding completely wacky with an accent everyone struggles to place. Jokes aside, having grown up in Africa and lived in several major U.S. cities, I took diversity for granted. It’s only now, living without it, that I truly miss it — and wish my kids had more opportunities for meaningful cultural exposure.
Mindset Shift
Here is the great news. While you may not necessarily have the same roots or heritage as most residents, you will never meet more warm or hospitable people. There is no shortage of invitations to Bar Mitzvah's, birthday parties, holiday parties etc. etc. My children have been welcomed into the fold as if they were long-lost relatives, not once feeling ostracized or out of place. Also, if this is sounding mighty familiar and you live in your own version of this bubble, remember, your presence is needed! You bring a breath of fresh air, offering perspective and interest that subtly challenges the status quo.
Low Divorce Rate
Statistically, communities with higher income and education have a lower divorce rate, and the North Shore is no exception. Another really interesting fact for you? Illinois has one of the lowest divorce rates in the country, notorious for its good Midwest family values. All in all, this means that the area is populated with traditional nuclear families, leaving you, the single parent, sticking out like a sore thumb. I certainly feel a little this way at back-to-school nights or games, where I am surrounded by dutiful moms and dads attending side-by-side. I often catch myself thinking, “I thought the divorce rate is almost 50%, how is it possible that I am the only one in this town?”
Mindset Shift
When you are the exception, not the norm, it's natural to feel self-conscious and stigmatized even if it’s all in your head. I think it’s important to lean into your status as a single parent and contribute to a narrative of the strong, resilient and confident divorced mom or dad. There is a lot of opportunity to share your story and normalize families that are a little unconventional. And I bet you are not as alone as you think, once you start talking, others may reveal their quiet struggles.
Shrinking Social Circle
By now you have probably put two and two together, and realized that fewer divorces equals fewer singles to socialize with on the North Shore. As if your divorce didn’t take down several friendships, now you have to fish from an extremely small dating and/or friendship pool. It can be really lonely, especially when your kids go to your ex and you find yourself trying to fill an entire weekend by yourself.
Mindset Shift
Once again, remember your identity as a divorced mom or dad adds richness and diversity to the parent community of the North Shore which could do with a little spice. As for dating, I am all for casting a wide net. Your next romantic interest does not need to live within Bumble’s minimum radius. In fact, you may appreciate some space and time to yourself as you focus on healing from your divorce, your kids and your career. Long distance isn’t for everyone I realize, but, the world is a lot smaller these days and you will only have so much time to date anyway.
At the end of the day, there is no utopia, whether you are divorced or happily married. I have lived all over the world, from Africa to at least six US states and have come to the conclusion that you might as well bloom where you are planted, because you just don’t know when the next wind may pick up and transplant you, leaving you longing for what you once had. I say, embrace your single mom/dad status of the North Shore and bloom just as big as the hydrangeas that line its streets.
If you need support parenting through divorce, please download my free guide “Protecting Your Children Through Divorce.” Sign up here.
